By Justin Bariso via inc.com Article
These 3 Questions Will Immediately Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
“… have you said something recently that you wish you could take back? For years, I struggled with the weakness of speaking too quickly, without thinking things through.
Curbing that tendency is easier said than done, but there’s a quick ‘three question method’ that can prevent you from saying something you’ll later regret.
The 3 Vital Questions
I discovered this brilliant strategy through an unlikely source. I was watching an interview with comedian and television personality Craig Ferguson, when he gave some very sage advice:
There are three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything.
- Does this need to be said?
- Does this need to be said by me?
- Does this need to be said by me now?
Ferguson says it took him three marriages to learn that lesson. …
Let’s say you’re a manager, and you’ve been working hard to improve the relationships with certain individuals on your team. One day, you witness someone doing something great at work, and you take advantage of the opportunity to commend them. Great job! (Sincere, authentic, and timely praise goes a long way in motivating employees.)
But suddenly, you remember how they messed something up a few weeks ago. ‘I should bring that to their attention, too,’ you reason. ‘Let me tell them before I forget…’
No! Stop! Ask yourself: Does this need to be said? Does it need to be said by me? Does it need to be said by me now?
True, constructive criticism is best delivered soon after a mistake. But you’ve already missed that boat. If you give that negative feedback now, it will completely destroy whatever goodwill you built with your praise and commendation. The person will think:
‘So, essentially you just told me something nice to soften the blow of what you really wanted to say. Jerk.'”