Via arcamax.com Joke
“A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”.
The crow answered: Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.”
Via ahajokes.com Article
Theory of M&M Evolution
“Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, ‘Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.’”
A Lesson On Learning
“Theory withou texperience is useless. Experience without theory is expensive.” – Edward Deming
“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.” – Mark Twain
“There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by readin’. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.” – Will Rogers
“For those of you unfamiliar with Deming, he’s the individual credited with teaching the Japanese how to make quality products more than half a century ago. His thinking is also the foundation of Lean.”
Via arcamax.com Article
How the Media Would Cover The Apocalypse
“The Wall Street Journal:
Dow Jones Plummets As World Ends
Microsoft Systems Journal:
Apple Loses Market Share
The Last New Thing
The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour
Readers Digest: ‘Bye
How Will The Extinction Of All Life As We Know It Affect The Way We View The Cosmos?
Death And Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar!
Lady’s Home Journal:
Lose 10 Lbs By Judgment Day With Our New “Armageddon” Diet!
Ten Ways You Can Profit From The Apocalypse”
Via Avolites Online Article
“True story (apparently…)
Scientists at Roll Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, and military jets, all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.
You’re going to love this……
Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo: ‘Defrost the chicken.’”
“An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, “I like both.”
Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.””